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It is dark and I wait until my eyes adjust. Standing by a vending machine I survey the area. It is busy today. Various men leer at me as I take off my hood and my long black hair flows down my back. There is a lot of older men here, 40s-60's. My heart beats faster. I know I am going to be used and it excites me.I glance in the 'waiting room', an area with seats and has a TV with the news on it. Sitting there is a man around 50 years old. He has thinning wispy longish hair with glasses. He is around 6'4" and medium build. He looks like a professor. Our eyes make contact and my heart almost stops. I visibly am shaking in anticipation. Biting my lower lip I look down and break eye contact. My god, I would let this man do anything to me. I may not believe in love at first sight, but this was certainly lust at first sight. He continues to stare at me. I look up again and smile at him. I slowly turn around and head into the back. Several men stare at me as I walk by. (Well, that’s the math I’ve come to by comparing downtime following errands where I go by bus, to errands where I go by cab.) Aftershock. As usual, it fairly much kept itself in check till I got home. I paced back and forth in our living room. It was worse than it usually is, much worse. It smouldered and pounded and hurt in my stomach. I couldn’t keep my hands still. They constantly fisted and opened and I remembered. I began to remember. Things he had said. Things I had said. ‘I don’t have a particularly good memory,’ I had said. ‘No,’ he had said with a grimace and thereby mockingly agreed. When I’m having a down time I try to handle it myself, but I couldn’t handle this. I woke my boyfriend and clung to him while weeping hysterically. I still can’t remember the policeman’s name or face, but small memory-glimpses from the interrogation haunts me. I remember that at one point he started talking a lot. Like really blah blah blah, as if he was trying to tell me something. With my.
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